Monday, March 2, 2009

Hair Cut Hell

My son has been sporting the surfer/skater look recently.  This wasn't a fashion statement.  He could care less.  I am not even sure he knows that he has hair on his head, let alone that there is a style to it.  The reasoning behind his increasingly long locks is simple.  The boy detests getting his hair cut.  It is an exercise in terror.  Mainly for myself and the poor people at Sports Clips.  Now, let me be very clear -I have read the parenting books and scoured websites for advice on how to make the haircutting experience a less stressful one and somehow these techniques fall short of working with my son.  
Last weeks haircut went something like this-
"Hey, Maddie!  Guess what!  Today we are going to get your hair cut!"  I say this in a saccharine sweet voice, dripping with as much excitement I can muster.  I am trying to make this sound like he is getting the treat of a life time.  
"No, I'm not getting my hair cut,"  he tells me flatly.
"Now, Maddox, if you are really good for the hair cutting people Mommy will take you to Putt-putt golf!"  
Mad tilts his head to the side thinking and then says "No, I'm not getting my hair cut."
My books all tell me not to worry about bribing your kid for good behavior because the important thing is they are doing the good behavior.  But what do you do when your kid could care less about the bribe?  He would rather freak out!  What do you do? 
Well, I will tell you what I did.  I shaved his head.  
I know it sounds cruel, but the boy left me no choice.  I had brought in a picture of a cute little doo.  Buzzed on the sides and enough hair on the top to style it spiky.  But when your kid is flailing around, screaming and spitting at the hairstylist you really aren't left with many options.  This is the second stylist as the first refused to cut the boys hair.  
There I was basically sitting on my child, trying to hold him still.  Bodhi Mae is in her stroller, screaming because Maddie is screaming.  And after several attempt to get near my son with the clippers the barber flat out refused to continue.  Well, you can only imagine my sweaty humiliation.  My child, who was also sweaty from thrashing at this point, has so much hair he cant see past it any longer and since he refuses to let me brush it walks around with a rat's nest in the back.  He has got to get it cut or soon I will be putting it in a ponytail!  
But, seriously, I am being thrown out of the place who's most expensive cut is $14 bucks???  As I throw my child over my shoulder like a screaming sack of potatoes and try to muster what dignity I have left while pushing the stroller one handed towards the exit I hear the voice of an angel.
"I'll cut that baby's hair!  You bring him over here Mama.  We'll get him cut!"
I look over to see an Amazonian woman standing by her work station.  She sits us down and has me sit on the boy again and then using hands the size of dinner plates went to town with the clippers.  There was no styling, this poor woman was just trying to get it even.  Mean while Maddox is screaming, mouth wide open and full of hair.  I am trying to calm him down, but really, what can you say at this point.  I know, some may say I should have just left when the first guy refused and tried again at a later time.  But I didn't.  I had her buzz the kid.  After
 she was done I got up and set Mad down.  I tried to brush the hair off of him (he had refused to let her put the cape on us, so the amount of hair covering us both was considerable) but he set off running.  I thought he was making a break for the door so I ran after him.  There he was squatting in a corner of the waiting area screaming at the top of his lungs- "I wanna go!  I wanna go!"  
You and me both, kid!  I paid my fourteen dollars and tipped that Amazon $10.00 and high tailed it out of there.  
So, my skinny little man looks like he just escaped from a concentration camp, but at least there is no fight in the morning about brushing it and washing it has become less of a trial as well.  Did I mention he screams about that too....that will have to be for a different blog.  I am exhausted just reliving this one.  I will have to post a pic as soon as I am fully recovered from the ordeal.