Monday, January 5, 2009

Who wears the pants in the family??

For some strange reason I cannot keep pants on my son. I think I may be raising a nudist. Is it still a nudist if he is wearing a shirt and socks? The disturbing thing is, and he will kill me later for relaying this, Mad has discovered his junk and will not leave it alone. I call it his "junk" because I am not one of those moms who wants to hear anatomically correct terms coming out of the mouth of a three year old. It bothers me. Maybe it is the high pitched voice?
Around here we call them balls, my sister's kids call them jimjim's (don't ask, I don't know why). We call it a corn hole, my sister's kids call it "the wrong spot" (I told you not to ask, I still have no clue over here). Call it whatever you like, I just wish I could get him to leave it alone or at the very least go someplace private inspect the junk and then remember to wash his hands before touching anything in my house.
Today I found him have a raucous time dancing naked from the waist down in front of the mirror in Bodhi Mae's room. The Junk was swinging and Maddox thought there couldn't be anything cooler than the peepee two step. And it must have been cool because I had the fire going I was so cold and I had my pants on.
My biggest problem is how am I to keep this kid from getting sick or giving the rest of us pink eye when he has his hands down his pants, or more often than not, is pant less and discovering his junk? Do you think I could tape mittens to his hands? Ah, who am I kidding. My husband discovered his junk ages ago and he still likes to do the peepee swing dance. Don't kid yourself ladies, you know your man likes to show you the peepee shuffle on the way to or from the shower. Come to think of it...they never stop putting their hands down their pants. Think Al Bundy. They all love to sit on the couch with one hand down the front of their pants watching football. The longer I raise my son the more I realize that while they get taller they really, truly never grow up. I don't care....I am fighting the good fight against the inevitable. Now where are his damn pants?!