Thursday, January 29, 2009

This aint no beauty treatment

As far as I can remember no one every told me that having kids would do wonders for my complexion.  This being said I would distinctly remember if some one would have told me that I would be getting on the road to looking like Danny Devito.  Sorry to you Danny, but you would make an ugly drag queen.  
Lets see here...I gained an obscene amount of weight and then couldn't get the last ten pounds off after each child.  So there is 20 extra pounds towards Danny-dom.  
Around the time my son was 4 months old I started losing my hair.  That's right, male pattern baldness, up front.  I know, everyone goes through periods of hair loss, but not like this.  I am talking hand fulls of hair falling out here.  Even my hairstylist said something to me.  You know its bad when the woman who does hair for a living thinks that something is wrong with you.  
Yup, it ain't no beauty treatment.  Lack of sleep and worry causes dark circles, wrinkles, and grey hairs (if you have any left).  I don't get to wash my hair, let alone style it, as often as I would like.  My hands are peeling from washing and washing from all the diaper changes and boogery noses.  It looks like someone drew all over my rump with a red Sharpie- oh the stretch marks, what I affectionately like to call "kid graffiti".  I am developing a Maddox wrinkle between my eyes.  This is a wrinkle caused specifically by my son when he does something that makes me frown or worry.
Don't get me wrong, I love my babies more than my life, let alone more than my vanity.  However.... it seems unfair that while I continue to spiral down the fun house slide of sagging skin, botox, grey hair, and I'm not just a member I'm also the president of baldness, my husband continues to get carded for lottery tickets.  Punk.