Thursday, April 2, 2009

I gotta get me some Big Love

I was watching Oprah the other day and she was visiting the Waiting for Zion Ranch.  You know that polygamist ranch out in Texas that the government raided because of all the suspected underage marriages.  While at first the idea of polygamy is disturbing, it did get me thinking- as I folded my five hundredth load of laundry and surveyed my own little compound, which was littered with toys and magazines, the sink full of dishes and dinner waiting to be made.  I stood there all greasy and wishing for a shower, tired from dealing with a psychotic kid and a needy baby and I started thinking that it would be kinda nice to have another wife around this joint right about now.  Well certainly there would have to be some ground rules.   No long dresses and poofy hair- I don't know what that is about.  And then there is the issue of sharing my husband with another woman- hmmm, that probably should have come before the dress and the hair?  Anyways, the second wife would have to remember that I, as first wife, have hierarchy in Chez Jenkins.  Second Wife would get all my least favorite house chores- she would have to fold and put away the laundry, mop the floors and do the dishes.  ALL THE DISHES!  I on the other hand am happy to clean the bathrooms, dust, cook and basically do everything else.  But think about it- you want to go get your hair done during the week- that's fine, make Second Wife watch the kids.  You want to go out on the weekend for drinks with your girlfriends?  Vacation with your husband?  Oh, Second Wife!  
I am serious, if the mere thought of having to share my husband with another woman didn't make me want to bury him and the imaginary Second Wife under a concrete slab in the backyard I would so do it.  As it is I am thinking I am going to have to wait for someone to invent me a robot like our girl Rosie from the Jetsons.