Rules for Teachers

Oh how the times have changed! I found this on a website

about one room school houses and simply had to share...no, I don't know why I was looking up one room school houses. I tend to wander on the internet...my own personal form of ADD.

Rules for Teachers
1872

1.	Teachers each day will fill lamps, clean chimneys.
2.	Each teacher will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day's session.
3.	Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to the individual tastes of the pupils.
4.	Men teachers may take one evening each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go to church regularly.
5.	After ten hours in school, the teacher may spend the remaining time reading the Bible or other good books.
6.	Women teachers who marry or engage in unseemly conduct will be dismissed.
7.	Every teacher should lay aside each day a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so he will not become a burden on society.
8.	Any teacher who smokes, uses liquor in any form, frequents pool or public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop will give good reason to suspect his worth, intention, integrity and honesty.
9.	The teacher who performs his labor faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of twenty-five cents per week in his pay, providing the Board of Education approves.
	(from Country School Legacy)

I HEART you coffee

I am addicted to coffee. Ever since I became a mommy, the addiction has grown. I brew half a pot everyday for myself and lament its loss...even after the hot morning coffee is long gone and I have turned the remainder into an refreshing afternoon icy coffee. Mmmmm. For me thats a lot of coffee, I have been trying to maintain the half a pot rule. If not just for the amount of coffee grounds that is, or the calories in the darn creamer, but for the headache that will ensue should I be forced to go a day without coffee. Woe betide those children should mommy not get her coffee, or at least some form of caffeine. Because I was feeling so very addicted to my caffeine I wrote this little diddy..

I love you coffee

Cause crack's illegal

And will make you crazy

Rot your teeth

Pick your face

Umm, is the fact that I am in withdrawal blatantly obvious...just a little? Damn, I thought so.

He gets it from his father....

My son. Ahhh, my son. I wonder about the boy sometimes, where he gets his ideas from... yeah, yeah, I know it is the old nature versus nurture argument...but still I do wonder where he gets it all...

We recently took a trip to Disney World and while waiting in line to ride the Teacups we found ourselves behind a full figured gal. It was a warm day but she was wearing tight stretchy glittery jean and a long sleeve electric blue top...she was disco ready, and Maddox could not take his eyes off her. As there is not much to do in line but stare at each other I stared at Maddox while he stared at the woman in front of us. All of the sudden, out of no where my son reaches up and pokes this lady in the bottom! Now I realize that his head was level with her very ample and glittery bottom, but come on now! You are four years old, so I immediately began to reprimand him and remind him that we keep our hands to ourselves. The woman didn't turn around and I don't know if she felt it or was embarrassed that this kid had just touched her, so I lowered my head to Mad and asked him why he did that and this is what he said... or rather this is what he SANG:

"BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOOOOOTTAAAYYY!"

I die. I just like to think that since she didn't turn around maybe she didn't realize what was going on...but he sure did like that Boooottaaayyyy.

The Loo

Privacy? That is so B.C., you know, 'Before Children'. My husband recently asked why I always lock the door when I take a bath. I answered him with a stunner- "Because it is the only privacy I get anymore!"

Yes, I realize the husband would like a peek. But come on people, I poop most days with a child sitting on my lap. Or at least standing 6 inches from me, staring, asking if I am done and what I am going to do next. At the very least, if I lock the door quick enough, screaming ensues from the other side.

There is nothing sacred in the A.D., that would be 'After Delivery' to you.

The munchkins stand outside the shower door. They sit on the counter while you do your makeup, at your feet while you do your hair. When you do have a moment to yourself, perhaps in the car, you may drive a good half hour before you realize that you have been singing along to that Wiggles CD and there is not a child in sight. And for instance there is a child sticking his head up between my hands as I type this, all the while screaming at his sister....and truthfully I don't mind. But the pooping by myself, yeah, that would be nice.

I have arrived.

That's it. I have achieved Stay at Home Mommydom. I just covered my hand sanitizer with pretty paper. I got tired of looking at it so I covered it. I have arrived. I have become one with the crafting cult...I think I like it....kum bay ya.... wait that bad boy needs ribbon!

What a world! What a world! Im melting!

After telling Maddox that I couldn't fix the heel of Bodhi's princess shoe he grabs the shoe and begins to moan "Why, why, why!!" while clutching it. He is serious.

There is a real reason we call him Drama.

Baby's got a new pair of shoes

Is it considered in poor taste to call a 14 month old a "shoe whore"? I thought so. Regardless, that is what my daughter is. Bodhi Mae is obsessed with shoes. Hers, yours, mine, Daddy's, Maddox's. You got em, she wants em. When Bo first started crawling she knew that she liked shoes but didn't quite know what to do with them. So what my baby did was what any self respecting shoe whore would do, she put those puppies on her hands and crawled away. Fast forward a few months and now she is walking. Not only is she wearing shoes on her hands, but now she wants you to put them on her feet. Fine. That is not too much to ask, only she keeps coming back and wanting you to change them out. The most frustrating part for everyone involved is when she is wearing a pair she must find particularly fetching and doesn't want to take them off - she just wants to put on another pair right over them. Sister, you cant wear two pairs of shoes at the same time! Believe me I know the feeling of loving too many shoes, but screaming at the top of your lungs and stamping your feet is not going to help the situation.

It was all pretty cute and funny, albeit a little annoying sometimes, right up until the other night. Then Brian and I became concerned. I was dressed up to go out with some girlfriends for dinner and put on a pair of stiletto pumps I never wear (yeah, my life and heels....hahahaha, not happening) when all hell broke loose. At first I thought, because the sound of the screaming was so loud, that Bodhi had hurt herself. It was only when she had thrown herself on my feet and started ranting and grunting while desperately trying to separate me from my Charles David's that I realized that the little Shoe Whore was trying to steal my shoes. I fought her off for a few minutes only to realize that if she was in the same room as these heels I was going to get no peace until I let her wear them. As she is a little short and not that used to walking for four inch heels I opted for removing them and putting them up until my ride came. Needless to say, my husband and I, are concerned. Well, mainly my husband, is concerned. He foresees much shoe shopping in the future and says can feeling his wallet shrinking already. I, on the other hand, am only interested in one thing in particular. Please Lord, let us end up wearing the same size!