There are so many things that happen day to day in mommyland that you never would have imagined. Raising humans only serves to remind me just how closely related to animals we all are. Or at least how closely related to animals MY children are....
Bodhi, my youngest, is my eater. My son has since birth seen eating only as a means to survive. Bo LOVES her food. She will try anything once. So it came as no surprise to her father and I that she sat down to a giant bowl of edamame beans at a Japanese restaurant and polished them all off. Since that day we have made sure to always have a stock of them in the freezer. Bo calls them Mommy Beans. So cute. What happened the other day though has, well....not so cute. I may never be able to look at the edamame bean the same way again.
A couple of days prior to my tale Bo had requested said beans, and as is her custom she at every last one that I put in her bowl and skipped off her merry way. Come morning two days later and the little 4 year old light of my life is prancing around my room, still in her pajama pants and tshirt, when all of the sudden she stops dancing, giggles, gives a shake of her leg and states matter of factly "Oh, edamame." And off she walks. Now, I am confused, because what would edamame from two days ago be doing on the floor. My pre-coffee brain would not allow me to understand, so I say "Edamame? What on earth is edamame doing on my bedroom floor? We haven't had edamame since Thursday...."
"Well, I farted, it fell out of my pants," Bo says as if she were talking to a toddler.
AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! Oh the horror! My child just sharted edamame beans. Still trying to pretend that this didnt happen, I peered over the side of my bed only to discover the disgusting truth. There were three whole poo covered edamame beans. Who sharts {and if you dont know this term go google it, I'll warn you it is as nasty as you think it is} whole beans????!!!!
As it turns out my daughter does not chew her food, or at least Mommy beans, and like an good and hardy legume it just passed right through her and onto my floor :) . All I can think of is those monkeys from goodness knows where who eat those coffee berries and poo the whole beans. People are roasting those mothers and selling those beans to people at an exorbitant rate, who then brew and drink it all the while extolling on its excellent flavor. Wholly crap I am raising a monkey. Now if only the product of my monkey wasnt just nasty, and gag inducing....we might have a cottage industry here.
