She bang, she bang...

I am constantly finding new and thrilling (insert sarcasm here) things about having babies that no one bothered to tell me about.  My latest find is what I like to affectionately call the Ubangi Booby Syndrome.  After having my darling children, the "girls" (another affectionate term, this time for the boobies themselves) look like they belong to a Ubangi woman, i.e. some one depicted on the cover of National Geographic.  Please, don't get me wrong.  Those women are beautiful, but their boobies, and now mine, all look like tube socks half filled with sand.  Mmmm, not the look I am going for here.  I want the perky little suckers (ewww, that is an unfortunate word to use as that is what caused the Ubangi syndrome in the first place!) I had before children.  Now my dilemma is do I spend the 7 grand it is going to cost to have a plastic surgeon bring me back to my previous glory?  Hell, for that kind of money he had better work magic.  Oh, the dilemma!  Oh, the vanity!  Oh, the constant wishing to not have to tape and push and pull the sad saggy girls into position when wearing certain items of clothing or finding it is just not possible to wear certain items of clothing without wearing the "girls" closer to my belly button than is desirable.  Wouldn't I be better served putting that money into the kids college funds?   Yes, of course I would.  Now if I can only figure out a way to insure one of them will end up as a plastic surgeon...

Photo Credit:  National Geographic